The words that we use can have a powerful impact on the outcome of the situation that we are in. We can have a powerful influence on those who we talk to and also those who hear us talking. Imagine that you are at work and your supervisor tells you, "You have to work on Saturday or else." Now imagine that your supervisor tells you, "We have a really important project that needs to be done Monday morning and we really need everyone to pitch in eight extra hours before then."

You have just been presented with the same situation in two vastly differently ways. Which one would you be happier to hear? The second one, of course! Nobody likes to be given demands. The first one makes you feel defensive and like you have no choice in the matter.

The second way is it was presented is much easier to take and we are all more likely to respond positively. In this case the supervisor is letting you know what the problem is and that everyone needs to pitch in to find the solution. Also, he is giving you the choice in how you are going to get those extra hours in. You can spread it out over a number of days or go all day Saturday if you choose. How nice it is to have choices!

We can take this example and extend it to many other situations such as marriage, children, stepchildren, extended family and so many others. If your spouse tells you to do something you are more likely to fight it, but if they ask you to help solve an issue you are more likely to want to help, the same thing applies with children and others.

On the flip side of this, others will respond to us a lot more favorably if we ask them or give them choices. Nobody lies to be told what to do, no matter their age. We've all seen one year olds throw themselves on the floor screaming when have been told what to do, sometimes even if they have been told to do something that they want to do!

Presenting someone with options is one way to help the converation go better and get the outcome that you want. Do you fight with your stepchild every night to go to bed? If so, do you find yourself throwing orders: get your pajamas on, brush your teeth, get into bed, etc. You might find a more agreeable child if you try saying, "It's time to get ready for bed. Wouldyou like to get your pajamas on or brush your teeth first?"

If you need your spouse to do something but they haven't done it yet, ask yourself if you've been ordering or nagging. That might be why they are avoiding the task. You might want to try something like this, "The kitchen is really messy and I can't possibly clean it all myself. Would you please help me out by either taking the trash out or washing the dishes?"

Of course this doesn't always guarantee a positive response. It may take a few times especially if the other person is used to being ordered around for a long time. It may take a few tries to see what works for the person you are talking to, remember that each person is completely different!

Examples of choices that can be given are:
-Would you like to wear this shirt or that one?
-Are you going to sweep the floor before or after your shower?
-Would you rather help me fold laundry or wash the windows?
-Be creative!!

Try making this type of communication a habit and see if you find that people respond better to your requests and if the strife in your relationships gets better!